CNN

     So, Granny loved watching CNN.  For hours.  Almost all day, everyday.  (this was when "Opal" (Oprah) wasn't on...oops...or Dr. Phil)  She would sit on her couch, in her favorite spot, sipping coffee and misinterpreting everything the newscasters said.



     If she heard something on there that she felt was major news, she would (after totally misunderstanding the truth of it) call her friends who, bless their hearts, were just as misinformed as she was and cause mass panic around the neighborhood. 

    For instance, Once CNN did a special on the devastation that could occur if a major earthquake hit North America's bordering waters and caused a Tsunami.  Approximately how many people's lives would be lost, how our world - as we know it- could be forever changed....IF that HYPOTHETICAL situation were to occur. They presented scenarios of the west coast, east coast, and.....God, I wish they wouldn't have....the GULF COAST. Enter hysterical drama. When demonstrating the impact a gulf coast tsunami would have on America, they mentioned the obvious..all of the offshore oil rigs, drilling sites, etc. 

     One of Granny's friends had a son-in-law who worked (as most Louisiana men do) offshore.  He left for his rig from a point that is south of Lafayette, LA.  So...here we go.  Granny called her friend to tell her about the Earthquake and Tsunami that were to hit the gulf coast - South of Lafayette- so that her son-in-law could know that he shouldn't go to work. It was going to happen "I don't know, but I guess prolly next week or something".  So the friend calls her daughter and tells her that there is going to be an earthquake-because Granny said-next week in the gulf, south of Lafayette and that she needed to tell her husband not to go to work. You can imagine the chaos that ensued.

     So, I get to her house after a long day of taking care of patients who did not appreciate it.  I sit at the table, she pours my cup of coffee (that she had already put the cream in...God, I loved that woman) and says, calmly and flatly...."Apuh, I have to tell you something"  thinking someone died or something equally horrible ( I can't imagine WHERE I inherited the drama queen gene from, lol) happened, I brace myself "What's wrong, Granny?"
"There is gonna be an earthquake and a big Tsunami next week in Lafayette, we gotta figure out what to do"  "Wait.....what?!  How do you know that Granny?" I ask.  "Well I saw it on CNN, sposta happen all over the place- California, but they used to that, them South (yes south) Virginia on da eassssss (east) coasssse (coast) and probably in Lafayette for us because its gonna happen offshore" So I tell Granny to not worry, no one can predict something like that a week away unless the earthquakes have already happened and maybe they are preparing for a possible tsunami, but that the chances of that happening in all of these places are slim to none. "Well, its gonna come on again later, if you don't believe me."

     So, later, she is on the couch, talking to her friend on the phone saying "Aw, her?! (talking about me) She never wants to be prepared for nothing, she's not organize (no typo, lol) but we gonna watch it again at 7 and I will call you back".

    By this point, I already know its a hypothetical situation, so I just humor her, go to popeye's to get chicken because Granny was hungry for a "bress" (breast), come back and we watch the special and she sees for herself this time that its only a "what if" scenario.  "Aw, them, they need to quit scaring the people with their shit!"

     Luckily, all is well in the world and she calls her friend to tell her its a false alarm. ( I don't know where Granny finds these people, but she did)  The guy that worked offshore had already called his job to ask them for more info and Im sure that (after they peed their pants laughing at him) they clarified that he had the "all clear" to report to work the next Wednesday.

     That wasn't the only thing she misunderstood from CNN.  Remember when they were taking Obama to court for his birth certificate?  Well Granny thought they were impeaching him.  Granny, in the beginning was an avid Obama supporter, her biggest fear about him was " I sure hope they don't sassinate him....oh Lord, they gonna kill him".  By now, with the economic crisis the government has led us all to believe we are in Granny was mad at him.  So, she's watching CNN and they are talking about his birth certificate not being authentic and Granny says "Aw!  Don't impeach him because hes an immigrant! Impeach him because he raised the price of grocery and cigarette!" I almost died of laughter.

     Another time, I think in early 2010, quite a bit of time after Sarah Palin had resigned from the Governer's office, Im sitting at the table on the phone and Granny says "Hey, you know dat Sarah Palem?  She's not the governor of Africa anymore". I had no comment.