Go Do Your Housework!

     This one is a bit cringe-worthy, lol.  My Granny wasn't always the sweetest, most welcoming woman in the world,  She wasn't a very religious woman. 

     Born in 1926 in a small town near a small town called Jennings, LA that was predominately Catholic, my Granny was baptized Catholic, like so many others in that area.  How much she attended church as a child is unknown to me.  I know she didn't attend church regularly as an adult.  In fact, I can only think of a couple of times she attended church during my life (with the exception of attending church with my very faithful Uncle Art, while she lived in Texas when I was a teen.) I can vouch, however, for the fact that she knew The Lord, as she talked of Him often in her last years, even telling me about a month before she died "April, Id like to go to church soon."  (But that will be covered in another entry)

     I said all this to say: My Granny absolutely despised 'Door to Door witnesses'...especially Jehovah's witnesses.  Not to turn this into a hate entry, it was just her views.  "Aw, them, they come over here for you to go to their pretty (read: Purdy) church and give them all your money, them got damn crooks!"   I remember feeling so sorry for anyone who knocked on my Granny's door with the intentions of "saving" her or "witnessing" to her....like I said, especially Jehovah's witnesses. ( in Jennings, with the exception of the occasional Apostolic that may knock to invite you to services, it was primarily Jehovah's witnesses that came to your door almost every Saturday morning)  She didn't hate them personally, she just thought they should find better things to do than bother her.

     She had a high pitched, very screechy voice when she raised her voice at people, it was blood curdling if it was aimed at you. LOL.  Ill never forget this one poor lady, not sure which denomination she represented, but smart money says this woman was a Jehovah's witness.  Being nosey, Granny would always answer the door, find out what they wanted, but bless her heart, once they stated their intentions they got an earful. "Get OUTTA here, don't bother me with that shiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttt!" On this particular morning, I was in the bathroom bathing my then 3 month old son, Michael, and I could hear my poor mom scuffling to the back room, so I knew someone was about to get cussed out.  I hear a cheerful, 30 something woman begin her pitch "Good morning!"  so Granny replies, flatly, "Good morning, what can I do for you?"  The rest of the lady's pitch was muffled, then lo and behold I can hear..."We catholic over here, us!" (Bear in mind that ive stepped foot in a catholic church twice...once at the age of 13 with my friend Mandy, whose mother fussed at us the whole way home for us giggling because I was so unaware of their customs, all the kneeling and what not and a couple years prior to that, when I was 11,  at the funeral of my great grandfather, Granny's father)  "So, we already know God, and maybe yall need to know him too!" (OH YEAH, they must have been JW, lol)

     So at that the door slams, my mother comes out of the back room laughing and I come out of the bathroom with my infant on my chest, dying with laughter.  So then, Granny opens the door AGAIN, this time to holler the following at the poor lady who is scurrying away " And GO DO YOUR HOUSEWORK!!"   My jaw hit the floor.  In my Granny's mind, if she thought you were wasting your time, she could always give you a practical suggestion. lol

     At this point, she begins her muttering, mocking the woman's voice "Jehover wants .....YEA, I know what Jehover wants, Jehover wants me to bring my purse to his cult building...them got damn son of a bitch!"  "Instead of bother people, they need to stay home and fix that hair, clean that house...that's what Jehover wants"   (none of these misspellings are typos, this is how my Granny pronounced things.......incorrectly. lol)  The more my mom and I would laugh, the more she'd get mad and keep on going, then the Cajun French kicked in.

     If there is anything I learned from my Granny during those times it is that most churches are out to get your money (debatable) and that if your house isn't already clean, your time is best spent making sure that is done.....and you should never "Go in the public looking like an animal with that hair hanging in that face...oughta be ashame!"

     No one will ever understand the degree to which I miss that woman.  Ever.......