Granny was a strong woman. I used to believe that nothing in the world bothered her. Reflecting as an adult, one who has experienced immense heartache, I see that things did bother her...she just soldiered through them.
Growing up in a time where "you didn't talk about" issues, I suppose you just adapted to bottling emotions in. Sometimes to the point where they burst out of you with a volcanic force. Probably the cause of her mini meltdowns. Granny went through a helluva lot of things that I cant imagine enduring. On the flipside, there is a moment I will share with you that demonstrates, I went through some things that Granny couldn't imagine enduring. It only made our admiration for eachother more intense -- our bond even stronger. There was a moment when we were Grandmother and Grandchild, and at the same time, just two women sitting and sharing. The following is one of my most tender memories of my Granny.....
On April Fool's Day of 2007 I had a routine OB/GYN appointment. I was almost seven months pregnant with my son Anthony. ( many of you already know the story of Anthony, if not you will read about it on my own blog, if you want) I got up that day, like any other day. I went to my appointment, unsuspecting, just like any other appointment. Dr. Elias did an ultrasound at every visit, that's just what kind of doctor he is. While I was redressing, I casually mentioned that, though it had been 8 years since I'd given birth, Anthony kicked just as often as my other sons, yet not as hard, or with as much force. Dr. Elias told me to lay back down so he could take another look. He measured the limb length of my baby, and sure enough, something wasn't right. I was to see a specialist in Lafayette the very next day. The priority I was given to be seen so quickly made me very nervous, but I tried not to worry.
I called my sister (who I have to say is, and remains, my rock in life) immediately and that night she was in Jennings, from Houston, to accompany me to the doctor the next day. At this appointment the doctor tells me that my child has Thanatophoric Dysplasia, "or something very similar" and that his ribcage girth was not compatible with life. My world shattered and fell to pieces, right there on that table. This wasn't my first infant loss. My eldest son, Leebron died at the age of one week due to being born prematurely because I had urosepsis. (google it) I was told that my options were limited, but if I acted quickly, I had a choice as to whether or not I carried Anthony to term and saw the pregnancy through. I couldn't imagine not giving my child a chance at life, so I decided, no matter what, unless my life was at risk tremendously, I would carry my son as long as God allowed.
When we got back to Jennings we went to Granny's to spend the night. I remember Granny saying " oh, no! Well, April, you may think of just getting rid of it, and getting on with your life sooner" (I never once was angry at her for this statement, I knew she wanted what was best for me, there were so many things she didn't understand) I just cried and cried and I think that upset her. A few nights later (Tony had been in Germany the day I found out and the entire weekend until the following Tuesday and we could only talk briefly, he was in the Army at the time, and Wendy had gone back to Houston the evening of the appointment in Lafayette so I was lonely and depressed and didn't want the kids to feel it so...) we were spending the night at Granny's house. The boys were asleep in the back room. I think this was the Monday night and Tony was to come back the Tuesday, but we wouldn't see him until the Friday, since he was stationed at Ft. Hood. I hadn't been sleeping well, due to the devastation and shock, so I was lying, uncomfortably, on the couch watching TV and Granny had been asleep in her room. It was about 2 am.
Granny came walking into the living room quietly, thinking I was asleep. She creeped up beside me to look at my face to check to see if I was awake. Im sure she was going to turn the TV off, as she often did when I fell asleep with it on. (Because "yall waaaassssseeeee (waste, lol) electricity") When she saw my eyes, she said "oh, youre awake?" I very quietly mumbled "yea". She said "Whats wrong, Puh? You cant sleep" I just didn't say anything back, because the lump in my throat and hole in my heart were just too huge for me to function normally.
She shuffled, in her slippers, into the kitchen and fiddled around a little bit. I could hear her sniffling, but was too paralyzed by my own despair to even respond, or ask her if she was okay, etc. She cleared her throat and asked if I wanted something to drink. I said I didn't. She asked if I'd eaten supper. I said I hadn't. "You have to eat, Apuh. That baby is still growing, isn't he?" No response from me.
Finally she sat in the recliner and began to watch TV with me. We watched the Golden Girls for probably 3 episodes, neither of us breaking the silence, except to laugh occasionally. Granny turned the TV off and I said "Hey! Im still watching that!" Granny softly said " Come and sit by Granny, Babe." Like a little girl, I got up and went to the side of her chair. I knelt beside her and laid my head on her lap and just began to sob. She stroked my hair and cried too. She began to tell me " I wish I knew what to say, Puh, but Ive never gone through anything like this. When we were young we didn't have them ultrasound (everything was singular, lol). We didn't know what our babies looked like, we just had them. If something was wrong, we took care of the kids if they were sick and if they died, we just buried them and didn't talk about it" her voice cracked when she said: " Im sorry Apuh, I don't know how to talk about it." She began to cry harder now, so I reached up and held her, we held eachother and hugged and cried and cried. This went on for about 45 minutes and I eventually just held her hand and laid my head on the arm of the chair. Being a big pregnant cow, my circulation was beginning to get cut off from the knee down at this point, so I went to get up. Granny said " You're gonna go to sleep now?" I said, "Im going to try"
I got up and started waddling to the couch and she said " Why don't you come sleep with Granny and Ill rub your back?" So I followed her down the hall to her room, climbed into her bed and she got in behind me and wrapped her arm around me and held me until I woke up.
Later, in June, after Anthony was born and then passed away, my sister put together photo albums for Tony, me, herself and my mom. One day in July, Granny had company and I was in the tub. She didn't know I could hear, and I wasn't eavesdropping, but I could hear her showing her friend the pictures of Anthony. "Look how cute he was, he was beautiful." Her friend Pat said, "Yes, he sure was, I don't know how April did that. I don't know how I could've lived through something like that!" And to that, my Granny said "Aw, her?! That girl can do ANYTHING!"
It wasn't often my Granny gave a compliment to anyone, with the exception of admiring a pretty purse, pair of shoes or a new haircut I'd gotten. But for this woman, who I believed was a hero to think that I could possibly be something special? And to say it out loud? lol, In front of people?! That was one of my most memorable moments in life..........
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